Mothers - May 9, 2010

We love our mothers.  I love my mother!  I love my father too - these are the two people who influence us the most as we go through our formative years.  In a sense, they make us become who we are today - they mold and make us as best they can (hopefully), and then release us into the world...sort of 

This is the wrestling point between myself and God.  How much of who we are and how we act is simply an out-cropping of our mother and father?  Psychologists would probably say that this even extends to faith - and in some cases it is psychologically impossible for certain people to become Christians, based on their background and upbringing (it's too big of a jump for them).

So here is the wrestling point - how do we know we have gained our own identity and being?  How do we know that we truly are seperated - but not too seperated - from our families?  Is this even important?

I suppose at this point, some people would simply go hiking in Belize and try to find themselves.  Others might simply take the opposite road that their parents took, therby declaring that they have found their own identity apart from their up-bringing.  And still others would say that it is an honour to follow in their parents foot-steps, and we shouldn't worry about it.

Yet, this becomes a relevant issue especially for people who are unsure about where they stand with their mother's and father's.  I remember when I was a teen, I had a friend who's step-dad walked out on his mom, and declared that he wanted to escape to a super-large city, and go play guitar on the streets, and experience the world.  This man was well into his 40's, and grew up in a fairly strict conservative Christian home.  I have seen numerous friends of mine (usually just after graduation) leave the shelter of their home, and experience the "world", never to be the same again.  They take the time to truly "find" themselves.  Unfortunately, sometimes they find that they no-longer have the faith they grew up with.  They move away from the upbringing of their mother's and father's, and they become something else.  If this is what "finding yourself" is all about, then how do we as a church deal with this?  What do you think, is it good to "let go", or should we keep some restraint (send them to Bible College right after high school, instead of straight into university)?  Should we be very strict with our children, or loosen the reigns so they don't rebel?  What about the wrestling within marriages where each spouse wants to keep a certain amount of identity (if they have one, or know what it is), but still want to be self-less and a couple with their spouse?  Where is the balance?  What have you found to be true?

Either way, I was fortunate to have a mother and a father who set me on a course that is not destructive (or self-destructive).  I could've taken a much different course, if I really wanted to "experience the world" and "find myself" outside of my background.  Where do you stand on this, and how can we help each other through this issue?

Blessings